Friday, August 10, 2012
Nutrition: Emotions in Weightloss
Many years ago, about 11 years to be exact. I lost approximately 90lbs...in the midst of a very hard and some what nasty divorce. After having been home with my twin boys for two years I had reentered the work force as...a weightloss counselor. :) I worked for LA Weightloss for well over a year and I learned a lot working with people who were struggling with their weight. I mean I struggled with my weight since I was a child with my pediatrician having placed me on my first diet at the age of six; but nothing really brings home the struggle and change one experiences when they go through a major transformation such as weightloss.
It is more than a physical change it is an emotional change as well. Not only do you have to get used to the new you but you also have to address all the emotional things that makes one comfortable with keeping the weight on. I'm not talking about people who have 20 maybe 25 pounds to lose I'm talking about people who have 30, 40 plus pounds to lose.
Granted even though I have helped people work through the issues they encounter in order for them to be successful with losing the weight and keeping it off, I myself forget sometimes and have to remind myself that this is a process. An easy process it is not by any means, especially when your self esteem is not the best, you don't have a good support system and/or you are trying to figure out who you are and how you fit in the world with this new body, new attention and new attitude. It's not easy dealing with people in your life who remember where you were and either don't like the change you have made, don't like the new person you have become and those that may try to bring you back to the point of where you were before for what ever reason; that is hard.
In being honest and transparent...when I first lost weight I was going through it and I mean through it. Let me preference this by saying my ex husband and I were young, very young when we got married. I do believe that people have the ability to change over the years so this is in no way reflective of the person I know him to be today...he is an excellent father...always has been always will be and we have a good friendship to this day. As my husband from the period of 95-01?? That is a different story.
The relationship was an abusive one...physically and emotionally. At the time I was devastated when he left but in hind sight I was better off for it. Like I said we were both young when we were married and had no concept of what it was to be husband and wife nor did we have a sense of self identity. After I had my boys I decided that I really wanted to lose the weight and went on Meridia for assistance. I joined the gym and began to work out, changed my eating habits...I was beginning to come out of the bottomless pit that was my self esteem and I had a new found confidence that I never knew I had.
As I began to drop the pounds I had to deal with parental issues and figuring out what I wanted to do with my life among other things. After having to quit my job to stay home with kids, my husband trying to dictate whether I worked or not, what was left of my identity at that point was being somebody's wife and mother. I had no outlet, no outside interests it was my husband and the kids.
Eventually I did go back to school and even in that I had to figure out what I wanted to do...I can't even tell you how man times I have changed my major. LOL! I was in the midst of trying to figure who I was as a person; my likes, my dislikes, what I would stand for and what I wouldn't stand for; all this on top of losing a large amount of weight and being left by my husband with two children. Yes I had a lot to work through. I realized that holding onto the weight was comforting to me because it was easier for me to keep people away, or so I thought.
In my mind I got less attention when I was carrying the weight, however in reality that was not the truth. See? I had to change everything; how I saw myself, my attitude and my thinking. What helped me get through this period of my life?? Prayer, consistent constant prayer and a journal. I wrote, wrote everything down and I had to work through it. I had to realize that I could not allow the things that have happened to me dictate who I am as a person, how I view myself, how I lived my life and how I manage my weight. People let's not be deceptive either about this being a one hitter quitter as it is a life long and on going process.
It is 11 years after all that went down and I still struggle with some things. I still have days when I don't feel my best or I don't feel as pretty as I did the day before. I still have habits and patterns that I work hard to break, I still have days when I second guess myself....hell I'm second guessing whether I should be publishing this entry or being as transparent as I'm being. But I have to remind myself of a few things every day, one of which is my personal motto, a personal question I have to ask myself; how can I be a blessing to others?? It's just that simple. How can I bless/help someone? In that case I suppose all this isn't really about me then, now is it?? :)
The other things that I have to remind myself of?? I'm blessed, I'm beautiful, I am deserving of love and all that is good, I'm confident, I'm healthy, I'm happy and I'm in control over maintaining it all.
My, my my this was not the entry I intended on writing it really wasn't but I wrote it for someone out there and I hope it helps that someone.